Perception and Perspective
My wife had the flu and took medication. You know the night-time green liquid that numbs all pain? She had to make a last-minute journey in town and while backing-up her BMW she brushed against a tree. The tree left a slight indentation on the trunk.
My wife was distraught at the blemish to such a fine vehicle. She likened the blemish to a pimple on your nose on prom night. You think the pimple is the end of the world. In reality - everyone else thinks your pimple is a non-event. I assured my wife that the mark on the trunk of her BMW was irrelevant.
Most people feel nervous when speaking in front of other people. You feel as if the whole audience is frowning and judging you all the time, pondering questions such as
-Did she just start three sentences with "and"? In elementary school Ms. Jones taught me that you never start a sentence with "and". What a bad speaker she is.
- Did he move to the left side of the lectern first, and not look at the right side of the audience for three minutes? What a bad speaker he is.
In reality, your audience is not setting such a high bar. Your audience is trying to listen to your message. Focus on giving your message and don't be burdened with your perceptions of your anxiety. We all feel more nervous and less confident in front of others than we appear. Look confident and focus on delivering your message.
Keep your perception in perspective. A BMW with a blemish on the trunk is still the ultimate driving machine. Your speech delivered while relying on some notes still delivers your message to your audience.
My wife was distraught at the blemish to such a fine vehicle. She likened the blemish to a pimple on your nose on prom night. You think the pimple is the end of the world. In reality - everyone else thinks your pimple is a non-event. I assured my wife that the mark on the trunk of her BMW was irrelevant.
Most people feel nervous when speaking in front of other people. You feel as if the whole audience is frowning and judging you all the time, pondering questions such as
-Did she just start three sentences with "and"? In elementary school Ms. Jones taught me that you never start a sentence with "and". What a bad speaker she is.
- Did he move to the left side of the lectern first, and not look at the right side of the audience for three minutes? What a bad speaker he is.
In reality, your audience is not setting such a high bar. Your audience is trying to listen to your message. Focus on giving your message and don't be burdened with your perceptions of your anxiety. We all feel more nervous and less confident in front of others than we appear. Look confident and focus on delivering your message.
Keep your perception in perspective. A BMW with a blemish on the trunk is still the ultimate driving machine. Your speech delivered while relying on some notes still delivers your message to your audience.
posted by Wayne Botha @ 7:31 PM
3 Comments:
At April 22, 2008 2:23 AM ,
Dan Weedin said...
Good article Wayne. You almost sound like Alan Weiss (who I read religiously). Great observations.
Dan
At April 22, 2008 5:43 AM ,
Wayne Botha said...
Dan,
Thank you for the compliment.
Wayne
At April 25, 2008 4:37 PM ,
Terry said...
Wayne,
I like the analogy you draw.
One of the ways I think that this problem of (mis-)perception can be overcome is through being mindful.
Imagine a classroom, then imagine thirty children sitting still and quiet. Imagine these children imagining loving kindness on the playground. The peaceful ring of a Tibetan singing bowl -- no shouting, no laughing, no airborne paper objects. In a New York Times article by Patricia Leigh Brown, she explains the unlikely practice of mindful awareness being practiced by kids in an Oakland school. For this practice, a coach visits the school bi-weekly to lead fifteen-minute sessions on how to have "gentle breaths and still bodies."
While a fairly new concept in schools, the practice of mindfulness has been used widely and successfully in hospitals and businesses, sports teams and even in prisons. In the article, the principal of Piedmont says, "If we can help children slow down and think, they have the answers within themselves."
Another very handy place to use this technique is in the practice of presentations. It's all very well to be prepared, but if something goes awry (a cell phone rings, the wrong slide pops up), it's easy to panic. Anxiety, and stress = sweaty palms, physical tremors, accelerated heart rate and more. When this happens, we begin to focus on the feeling of anxiety and not what's happened to interrupt the presentation. This self-misguided focus exacerbates the problem as we berate ourselves inside, then wish we could just disappear completely.
Instead of all this panic, we need to develop a mind that's still and settled ,so that we can think clearly and communicate effectively. Think of the mind as a pond -- a still, quiet pond. Then suddenly a rock plops into the pond and breaks up the calm, still surface. In response to this, in our panic and frustration, we hurl a handful of pebbles into the pond and shout, "Hey, you stupid pond! Settle down!"
Taking a moment to become still and mindful I think is the best antidote to overcoming these sorts of self-conscious problems and will help to put things into perspective.
Thanks for the post Wayne!
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